what's stopping you?

"What is the first - perhaps the only - difference between living your dream and stagnating? The fundamental difference is fear. Fear of losing it all; fear of what another might think; fear of being less than enough."

i read this in an article from urbanmonk.net. this simple statement actually hit home.

eversince i was in college, i had bouts of uncertainty. what if i took liberal arts in college? what if i became a professional musician? what if i went into advertising? what if i became a wedding planner/event coordinator? what if i took fashion design instead? what if i worked for a fashion magazine?

a lot of what if's, right? although through the years, i have slowly found appreciation for my "craft"/work. but of course there are still times when these what if's play with my head.

so why did i continue with IT? 

everyone can feel fear. but out of the three fears stated at the beginning of this blog, i guess i could relate most to the third - fear of being less than enough. at first i thought it was fear that my earnings would dwindle drastically since i would have to start from scratch. but i realized that that's not the main reason. no matter what i do, a part of me always wants to prove myself. to prove my worth. to prove that i'm good at what i do. and since the education/training that i got is for IT, then i guess i stuck with it instead of doing something that really interests me yet i have no background/experience at all.

so yes, i have fear of being incompetent. and i haven't realized it until a few months ago. as the article said, "fear is obvious when someone holds a gun to our head, but it is harder to recognize in our everyday lives." and this "everyday life fear" is not just about one's career. it can be about a college student's choice of course. it can be about trying out for your school play. about asking someone out on a date. about traveling to a different country. or even about deciding to take culinary classes.

so what does the author think we should do?

he says we should face and take a closer look at our fears. "when we lay bare our fears, when we examine them with an honest and courageous eye - what we find are not limitations. what we find are alibis. sometimes these are unconscious. they stem from events, insults, and harsh judgements that we have taken to heart."

the article suggests a method which is pretty similar to what i do when i need to make a big decision: COST AND BENEFIT ANALYSIS (i prefer doing the PROS and CONS given the different choices)

COSTS: what is the price you pay for your decision? does it make you unhappy? what would happen 5 to 10 yrs from now if you continued your current path?

BENEFITS: what are the perks that you get with this path? support and approval from friends and family? is it less troublesome to just continue?

from there you can see the bigger picture, and it makes you more objective.  we then acknowledge the fear and take action - which, of course, is still entirely you're decision; whether the BENEFITS outweigh the COSTS and vice versa and depending on your priorities. i believe that priorities of single and married people are totally different. so ultimately, it all boils down to you. as the article said, "our purpose is our own; life is asking and we answer".