bestfriend

one of my friends recommended that i watch Bride Wars (anne hathaway & kate hudson). he told me that if you have a bff, you'd really appreciate the movie.

so i watched.

and i missed having a bestfriend. oh no, i'm not an anti-social loner. i have a lot of acquaintances and friends and a few really close ones. but i don't have that one person who really knows me. who i can rant and cry to when i'm upset. one who i could talk to for forever and we wouldn't run out of things to talk about.

hmm... i used to have one back in college (let's call the person X). or so i thought. maybe I thought X was my bestfriend, but it didn't mean that it was true the other way around too. X may be my closest friend, but that didn't necessarily mean I was X's closest friend as well. yes, X has been a very, very good friend to me for what, 4? 5 years? when we graduated, we continued to be great friends. but something happened (no details here. but it wasn't a fight or anything. if you hear the story, it would sound shallow, actually.) that made me realize that we weren't as close as i thought we were. 

and when it hit me, it sucked. lesson learned - never assume. so i went through the process of self-brainwashing. i had to tell myself over and over that no, we weren't really bestfriends, even back then. 

it was hard, but i'm ok now. i'm cool with this setup. X will always be a good friend, but not a bestfriend anymore. what's funny is, even after what happened, i NEVER felt any ill feelings. i was never angry. just lonely. but no feeling of angst or hatred or whatever. X has given me 5 years of incredible friendship which i'll be forever thankful for. that won't go away that easily.

i must admit, i miss having a bestfriend. but now, i'm happy with my small circle of close friends. and when the time comes that there is one person who can become my bff, i'll make sure we're on the same page first. :) for now, i guess this blog will have to bear with the musings of this little lady. :)